I have been wanting to publish another post about confidence for a while now. After I discovered this wall, designed by Alli K Design, I thought now was a better time than ever to write this. I love to post about pretty clothes and what to wear with them, but truly I believe that you can wear anything and make it look incredible so long as you have the proper attitude. Confidence and style go hand-in-hand.
A little over a month ago, a girl I started to workout with (Dominique) asked me how I was so confident. When she asked me this, I was a little confused. Mostly because I did not know how to really answer that question, because never in my life did I think of myself as a confident individual. I grew up being the awkward, tall, and not so thin girl who did not wear all the trendy clothes and copy what all the cool kids did. No matter what I did to try to fit in with different crowds, I was never fully accepted. When I graduated high school, I had two really great friends and a handful of other friends. At that time, I finally realized that it did not matter how I acted or what I looked like; some people were just never going to like me, and I should not try to please them (I am/was a people pleaser), because I will end up being miserable.
When I started college, I told myself that I was not going to try to be something I wasn’t; even if it meant not being the most popular. So I stuck to that. Throughout college, I’ve been made fun of a lot and some people think of me as being obnoxious, but je suis qui je suis. I am who I am. I am a serious nerd who loves to dress up when she can and for some reason that bothers people. My freshman year, when I met my best friend Maddie (M), I would ask her to take pictures of me all around campus of my #ootd so I could post on IG. I had people either tell me I looked great or I would get stares from people in the chemistry department because, as one grad student once stated (not knowing I was listening), “No real chemist dresses or acts that way.” She was not the only person who ever had anything no so nice to say about me, but she also won’t be the last, and that is okay. I made a promise to myself when I entered college. And even though it kept proving to be difficult to stay true to who I was when I was constantly being beaten down with negativity, I had to honor it.
I finally took all the negativity I had endured and I decided to look at it from a different perspective. I stopped letting myself be a victim and I remember one day (sometime during my junior year) I told myself, “You’ve been through a lot worse than the words people can throw at you. So stop letting it get to you and forget those people. Pray for them, but don’t harbor animosity towards them and don’t waste your energy worrying about what they think.” That is the day when I started to grow my confidence.
The Bible states in Galatians 1:10, “Am I saying this now to win the approval of people or God? Am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ’s servant.” This is something I truly try to live by. In a society where most people live for the number of likes they receive on an IG post, it is difficult to live as Christ wants us to. I am very picky about what I post, but at some point in time, it stopped being because of what others would think and it was more about my perfectionism. I know some people who would delete a post simply because it did not garner their desired number of likes. Not living how others want me to is something I really try to make a point of. Side note, I don’t drink or party or do anything that college students are supposed to do or find fun, and this also bothers some people. That is just a side note, but it is a point that goes well with this post. I never want to be like others anymore. So even though I carefully choose what I post on IG, I know that it is for myself and less about how many likes I will receive. If I like a picture and it matches my aesthetic, I post it.
This brings me to my next point. Social media really influences confidence. Everyone already knows this, but I think on a day-to-day basis, we often forget and we start to compare ourselves to one another. My roommate Christi is the one who helped me to stop comparing myself to others so much. Whenever we work out together, Christi always has something positive to say about other girls in the gym. Unlike most people I know, she never says something unkind about someone else, she always tries to find something positive to say. She does not know this (well I guess she will now), but her constantly doing this added to my confidence. She made me realize that the girl next to me could be considered beautiful, but that did not mean I was not.
To wrap up this long post and what I told Dominique was, the main key to confidence is really just being yourself and staying true to that. Or as Chanel once said, “La beauté commence au moment où vous décidez d’être vous-même.” Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself. And confidence = beauty. Staying true to who you are and knowing that deep down you are great just how God created you is what makes you confident. Not comparing yourself to others is what helps you stay confident.
Thank you for reading,
Bisous bisous ♥
*Photos taken by Madalyn Melton*